Trust

// Reverting to my days as a Bible thumper //

philippians4.6

In high school, I had a friend who invited me to her youth group week after week... and I said no until one day she told me the guy I had a crush on also went to her church, and I was sold. She didn't bother to tell me that this guy didn't actually show up very often, but it didn't matter because within one meeting I was totally hooked. The group was very evangelical Christian, which is definitely different from the very loose Catholic upbringing I had, but I loved it. I spent the better part of high school at church, various Bible studies, two different youth groups, prayer groups, etc. I made incredible memories and even more incredible friends, and I found other boys to have crushes on that actually went to church. I carried around a little notebook where I would write all of my favorite Bible verses for quick reference and memory. I set my alarm clock to times that reminded me of my favorite verses (Romans 9:17 ALL SUMMER LONG). It was fantastic.

When I met Dan almost a decade ago, who at the time was the youth minister at the Catholic church I grew up at, I jumped right back into the whole church thing and volunteered with him as much as I could. I spent weekends helping at retreats, saved up all of my vacation time to go on service trips, and went to mass without whining about it. Today, we're out in the suburbs and Dan works at a different church, and I have slowly but surely fallen almost entirely off of the religion wagon simply because the idea of finding my place in yet another church community just sounds dreadful to me. It's half laziness and half anxiety, but I just haven't felt up to it since we moved.

But here I am, with a week that I am terrified about ahead of me. There's some big stuff going on in my family, and I'm finding myself unsure of how to handle everything being so far out of my control. Then my pal Shannon struck again, and sent me a pin of "10 Verses for an Anxious Heart" because she just KNOWS me. And I realized that no matter how hard it is and how far removed I've felt from it for so long, the only thing I really can do right now is trust in God. Truth be told, FIL said the same thing to me Friday night, but I was wearing a masquerade mask and may or may not have had one too many drinks at the time so it didn't sink in quite as quickly as it should have.

So here I am. Trying to remain calm, leaning on the people I love the most, and learning (again) to trust. Your prayers for my family are appreciated this week.